Yikes. I haven’t written anything since May, but it feels like a year. As you probably felt similar, I approached 2020 with a thousand hopeful eyes, thinking I would take big leaps and find new answers. The last time I wrote, I didn’t realize how long quarantine would last.
I think the big world became a much smaller one with the state of everything. What I took for granted was to freely go anywhere at any given time and to find delight in distractions. As there’s much I could complain, maybe I could label 2020 as an intimate year with myself. There were many times I’d find myself feeling depressed, feeling I’m not where I’m supposed to be, and feeling that I needed to go out and do something about it. To calm down, I would try to focus on one small thing I was grateful for.
Today, as I realized the year is ending and my goals need to be renewed for next year, I started panicking and feeling like I didn’t accomplish much. How I got off that train, I found myself grateful for feeling safe enough to peacefully sit in my desk chair. And that thought somehow made me calm. I can sit here as long as I need to, think whatever I’d like, and no one’s currently interested in kicking me out or bothering me. I can do a lot from just sitting on this one chair. For now, I think it’s okay to just exist in the chair and figure out how to build a life from it.
Plus, it’s a spiny chair!
Here’s to 2021!