As Calm as A Chair

Yikes. I haven’t written anything since May, but it feels like a year. As you probably felt similar, I approached 2020 with a thousand hopeful eyes, thinking I would take big leaps and find new answers. The last time I wrote, I didn’t realize how long quarantine would last.

I think the big world became a much smaller one with the state of everything. What I took for granted was to freely go anywhere at any given time and to find delight in distractions. As there’s much I could complain, maybe I could label 2020 as an intimate year with myself. There were many times I’d find myself feeling depressed, feeling I’m not where I’m supposed to be, and feeling that I needed to go out and do something about it. To calm down, I would try to focus on one small thing I was grateful for.

Today, as I realized the year is ending and my goals need to be renewed for next year, I started panicking and feeling like I didn’t accomplish much. How I got off that train, I found myself grateful for feeling safe enough to peacefully sit in my desk chair. And that thought somehow made me calm. I can sit here as long as I need to, think whatever I’d like, and no one’s currently interested in kicking me out or bothering me. I can do a lot from just sitting on this one chair. For now, I think it’s okay to just exist in the chair and figure out how to build a life from it.

Plus, it’s a spiny chair!

Here’s to 2021!

❤ Laters!

Sayonara, 2019!

 

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Admittedly…

Ever since the toad on my toilet incident, I can’t help but keep an eye out for more. I’m not scared of them, just wondering how likely it’d happen again.

But here’s to the end of another year. When I think about the highlights of the year, they actually sound like the cards picked up in a boardgame.

I won two tickets to see Les Misérables from a newspaper. I remember finding out last minute, how I begged my boss to let me go, how I scurried to grab the tickets before the office closed, and how a plan was constructed under two hours.

My car went to the shop, and they let me borrow the biggest truck on the lot for a week.

I reunited with some relatives, and later went on a cruise where I saw my sister getting married. Same year, I saw an old friend also getting hitched.

I went on a solo trip and humorously, yet awkwardly, ran into one of my music heroes on the streets. Coming home after that, I ran into a lull in life and found reasons to sneak off occasionally to catch a concert or show.

I started learning a new language. And I love it. It’s bringing out different sides of me.

I played the violin only once this year as a guest player. And no one guessed it had been three years since I had played a note.

I even clashed with the dating scene a little bit.

Lastly, I went through numerous kinds of rejections that have strengthened and made me ready to take on new ones.

Here’s to not just a new year, as every year starts new. But here’s to…

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Admittedly, I’m not sure!