I’ve been going through a phase of guilt.
The things I’ve liked doing, I’ve stopped.
I’ve stopped music.
I’ve stopped dancing.
I’ve just stopped everything.
Anything I’ve started in the last five years, I haven’t finished or continued with.
And I keep going through that cycle of starting and stopping. I start playing or moving, and I remember how good I was. And then the guilt of stopping kicks in. I think the source is knowing that I’d be better now, if I hadn’t stopped. Cause maybe secretly, having a life filled with the stuff I like sounds truly great. If not a job, just to be enveloped in it all the time.
I could tumble endlessly into the excuses of why I keep quitting. Yes, life happens. Yes, responsibilities increase. Yes, time moves on, waiting for nobody.
When I was in school, I remember running into adults who said phrases like, “I used to do…” or “I used to be great at…” And I remember thinking that that could never happen to me. And that I would do everything to avoid living that way.
But don’t get me wrong.
I haven’t stopped fighting for the things I want.
But you know what?
In order to fight, you have to know your cause.
And I think I’ve temporarily lost it.
The whole “I’m lost!” thing really sticks sometimes.
I would say I can relate but I’ve never really stopped creating poetry. I just don’t do it as often.
For me, in order to improve at it, I look back at older poems to see how I could potentially tweak and improve my own style.
I will say I know very much what it’s like to feel lost and to feel like you’ve lost sight of that cause you fight for. The way I deal it with currently is to just keep pushing myself forward, day by day. Because while I can’t see that cause right now, I know it’s still there and I know I won’t stay lost as long as I keep going after my goals. There are good things ahead of me, and there are good things in store for you as well. We just have to remind ourselves that the journey is going to be full of ups and downs but what’s important is to keep your focus on the horizon, where the light shines brightest. That’s what we live for.
P.S. If you do get back into music, please start sharing again 🙂
Thanks for your supportive words. And I just might!